by Joe Gombarcik
Holmes: No, no, no. Not again, Watson, and THAT'S
FINAL!
Watson: Please, Holmes. Only one more time.
Holmes: That's what you said yesterday. And the day
before. And, before that. Now, I am going back to the
table to finish my excellent breakfast. Without
interruption. You can go do something else: visit a
patient, wager on the races, chronicle something.
Watson: But, Holmes...
Holmes: And stop following me!
Watson: Be sporting, old chap. Just this one last
time...now what do I have in my hands?
Holmes: WATSON! Will you please stop walking about the
room with your hands behind your back? Every morning!
You are becoming tiresome.
Watson: I know you won't get it THIS time. You don't
know, do you? "Great Detective," huh?
YOU...DON'T...KNOW!
Holmes: Stop that! You will not goad me into this
again. If we were not such good friends, I'd...
Watson: Oh, Holmes! You don't mean that, do you?
You're just saying that, aren't you?
Holmes: Well, yes. I don't mean it.
Watson: Good...now what's behind my back?
Holmes: WATSON! Sigh, very well. I give up. It's a
book.
Watson: BLAST! How'd you do that?
Holmes: You still have not learned my methods, Watson.
Watson: You saw it, right? In my hands? That's it,
isn't it?
Holmes: No, Watson. I did not.
Watson: I give up. How'd you know? Huh? How? How? How?
Holmes: I told you before, work it out.
Watson: But, I can't. This deduction work...
Holmes: "induction."
Watson: ..."induction" work is too hard. Please,
Holmes, tell me...
Holmes: Your elbows, Watson. That's a clue.
Watson: No, that's not enough. I give up. What is it,
Holmes?
Holmes: All right, if it will keep you quiet: your
elbows stick out when you carry larger items behind
your back. And your discomfort in following me about
told me it was a heavier object - unlike the letters
you have been hiding the last few mornings.
Watson: Of course! How...
Holmes: And DON'T say: "How absurdly simple!"
Watson: Yes, Holmes. You were right. I'm sorry to have
acted that way. All right?
Holmes: Of course, old friend. All right.
Watson: Now, what's the title of the book?
Holmes: WATSON!
Watson: I wager you can't hit that one. That's too
hard.
Holmes: "Martyrdom of Man" by Winwood Reade.
Watson: Great Caesar's Ghost!
Holmes: You took it to your room last night. Now sit
down and eat. Or read. Or perhaps you can still catch
up to your wife. Yes, visit with Mary's relative.
Which was it again? Her mother or her aunt?
Watson: Very humorous. THAT was an error left in my
story by our literary agent, remember?
Holmes: Oh, certainly, Mister "Eley's Number 2." I
understand.
Watson: That was low, Holmes!
Holmes: A very palpable touch, I'd say.
Watson: And who shot up Mrs. Hudson's wall with
initials?
Holmes: You had to bring that up again, didn't you?
Watson: ...and all the complaints from the neighbors?
Holmes: That's not fair!
Watson: Is too!
Holmes: Is not!
Mrs. Hudson: Boys! Boys! Not again! I can hear you all
the way downstairs. Must you do this every morning?
And so it goes.
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