"I would suggest to you that there were, upon your person, no fewer than six hundred such drawings' said Sherlock Holmes in that masterful fashion that I knew so well.

"I could not truthfully say," spluttered Motherspaw, "for some were so situated that I could not readily examine them without recourse to a system of mirrors, and others" he added, reddening, " were upon portions of my anatomy which for reasons of delicacy I naturally forbore from perusing."

"Quite," said Holmes "yet by observing those areas of your face and hands that are exposed to me, estimating your height and weight to within two decimal places, deducing thereby your epidermal area, and extrapolating the drawing per square foot ratio of the visible portion of your anatomy to ascertain the number of figures concealed from me, I have no doubt that I am correct. The calculation is a simple one." "Good Lord, Holmes, that is remarkable." I fawned. "Commonplace." said he.

"Do you mean to say that there is upon my (ahem) body, a stick figure for each of the gallant, though fictitious, 'six hundred' of Lord Tennyson's poem?" "So it would appear." said Holmes, injecting a seven per cent solution of cocaine into a passing venomous lizard, or Gila.

"But how came these drawings to appear upon my skin? It defies explanation!" "By no means. The explanation is simple. I observe from your bootlaces that you are a devotee of the steam bath."

"Quite so, at the Shangri La Spa For Discerning and Discreet Gentlemen, of Mincing Lane." "And that you afterwards enjoy a relaxing therapeutic massage?"

"Why yes,,,I am often so relaxed that a lethargy creeps over me."

"My club had the same problem" I volunteered, "but the exterminators fixed the problem." Once more, in his keenness to solve the mystery, Holmes dismissed my attempt to be helpful. "And that evening, so my olfactory senses tell me, you partook of an Indian Curry repast." "As is my invariable custom, I dined at the Khyber Winds Restaurant on mutton vindaloo with dahl."

I was about to ask who this "Dahl" might be, but Colonel Motherspaw broke in. "But Mr Holmes, what has this to do with these mysterious match-stick men?"

"It is simplicity itself- the train of thought took but two point three seconds. In a state of soporific languor, you fell asleep on the massage table. the masseur, or someone disguised as your masseur, took the opportunity to write a message in those singular hieroglyphics upon your exposed but somnolent epidermis. I should have divined the truth as soon as I read that curious communication you showed me. I was mislead by your correspondent's lack of education, and by the irrelevant coincident that, by chance, "langur rights" written backwards spells "Rugnal Sthgir", who is quite innocent in this matter. No, what your correspondent intended to convey were the words "languor" and "writes", that is that when your post steam-bath LANGUOR rendered you asleep, the masseur WRITES his message upon you."
"But I am sure there was no such writing on me when I awoke, dressed myself and left the spa." protested our client.

"The writer of the message took the precaution of drawing the figures using lemon juice." said Holmes. "Just as such an inscription on a piece of paper can only be read by the application of heat, so too this communication only became legible when the hot curry dinner raised your body temperature sufficiently to render the image visible!"

" My God, what can it all mean?"
"I have formed a hypothesis," said Sherlock Holmes, waving aside my well meant offer of a remedial salve, "But I fear that it requires further cogitation on my part. It is quite a three pipe problem."

o saying he clenched his long cherrywood, his favourite briar and his oily clay pipe between his teeth, filled them with Bradley's "Plugs and Dottles" Blend, and lit them with a glowing coal from the fireplace by dexterously juggling it from pipe to pipe with his extraordinarily well developed mandibular muscles.

"You will not disturb me, I pray, for thirty seven and one half minutes."

Motherspaw and I sat in silence for the ordained period as we watched Holmes, wreathed in blue, purple and mouse-coloured smoke, sitting motionless like a red Indian in the teepee he had constructed from the sofa cushions, a hat-stand and the velvet drapery.

Precisely thirty seven and a half minutes later he snapped to attention, a gleam of excitement in his close-set grey eyes. "Watson," he exclaimed, "I have been abominably slow!"

"Not at all Holmes," said I consulting my silver half-hunter, "thirty seven and a half minutes precisely!"

Holmes ignored me yet again.
"These curious dancing figures have yet more to tell us." said he, "Colonel Motherspaw, have you a 'lazy susan' in the Manor's kitchens by any chance?" "There is an indolent scullery maid, but I believe her name is Clara." replied Motherspaw, a trifle perplexed.

"You mistake my meaning, Colonel. I refer to one of those circular rotating platforms upon which certain dishes are placed when dining, for ease of service." "Why yes, I believe so. I'll have Manners the butler fetch it hence."

"Thank you so much. I also require a folding screen, and for you to divest yourself of all your garments, Colonel."

Our client's shocked protestations may well be imagined, but upon Holmes's insistence that the Colonel's au naturelle state was vital to solving the problem that beset us, and my reassurances that as a medical man I was inured to such sights, he acquiesced, upon the sole condition that the velvet drapes be rehung on the windows.

I had assumed that the folding screen was intended to permit our friend to disrobe in privacy, but instead Holmes set the screen, its two panels slightly ajar, in front of the revolving platform, and turned the gaslamps up, directing their light so as to converge on the curious circular contrivance.

"Now, Colonel, would you be so kind as to stand perfectly still upon the platform. Thank you- without the aspidistra, if you don't mind." for the Colonel, in the absence of a figleaf, had pressed a potted plant into service to protect his modesty.

"Now Watson, if your shoulder does not impede you, could you spin the 'lazy susan' with all your might, then join me behind the screen."

I thought for a moment to try the "are you coming apart" line again, but a glance from Holmes, who could read me like a book, dissuaded me. Instead, accustomed as I was to obeying him implicitly, I did as I was bidden.

"Watson, you are familiar I suppose with the zoetrope?"
"The child's novelty toy?" I asked.
"A rotating cylinder upon which are illustrated progressive drawings of, say, a boy rolling a hoop or a juggling clown. When the images are viewed through a slot, the illusion of movement in the pictures is produced. The principle here is identical, Watson. Look here through the aperture between the panels of the screen at the Colonel's gyrating form."
I did so, and to my amazement, the hundreds of stick figures drawn upon his pale skin had leapt into life. "Holmes," I cried "they are spelling out a message in the Military Semaphore Code!"
"Would you be so good as to call upon your military training to translate."
"Of course" said I, thrilled to be called upon for my expertise.
But the shocking and unexpected nature of the message that resolved itself upon Colonel Motherspaw's naked rotating person struck me mute with amazement.